


I fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new

by eva_cybele



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Bisexuality, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, alcohol use, and discussions about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 18:24:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3619779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eva_cybele/pseuds/eva_cybele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji is extremely popular with the ladies, and Yosuke struggles to deal with his jealousy. One date too many leads to a breaking point, and the reforging of a bond into something a little different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I fall in love just a little bit everyday with someone new

Souji Seta walked back to his dorm room, finally free of female companionship. This one definitely wouldn’t be getting a second date -- she’d done nothing but insinuate that he should come back to her room, or else let her come to his.

It wasn’t as if she had been unattractive or anything, but sex wasn’t the goal for him. Honestly, Souji just liked meeting new people, getting to know them, feeling that first flush of excitement as you try to figure out if you’re suited for one another. First dates were his favorite, for some reason prospective romantic partners were expected to open up to each other more than acquaintances or new friends. So he went on a lot of first dates with a lot of girls, and a few second dates, but rarely did he ever make it to three. After the third date, they started _expecting_ things.

Having a girlfriend was just not something he was interested in. It had been two years since he’d broken up with Rise, in part because of the stress of long-distance and her schedule, but also because there was an obstacle planted right dead center in the middle of his love life. An obstacle named Yosuke Hanamura, his best friend and roommate, also known as the only person Souji could conceivably imagine spending the rest of his life with. Or, rather, that he really didn’t want to be without, was probably more accurate.

The only problem was that Yosuke seemed dead-set on them being heterosexual life partners, when Souji decidedly was _not_.

He sighed and unlocked the door to their small suite, expecting to find Yosuke asleep or not at home at all, but came face-to-face with the other man sprawled on his bed, a couple of beer bottles strewn around the floor in his general vicinity.

Souji couldn’t count the number of times that he and Yosuke had stumbled back from a party, barely coherent, but Yosuke was a strictly social drinker -- getting shitfaced by himself in their dorm room was highly unusual.

“Well, well. The casanova has returned. Fuck a lot of girls tonight, Souji, or just give the one the ride of her life?”

Yosuke’s face twisted into a scowl, and Souji physically recoiled. The other man was typically a cheerfuly drunk, occasionally sliding into sappy and adoring if he had had a little too much. Souji had never seen angry drunk Yosuke, but judging by the pure venom in his tone, that was what he was dealing with.

Curbing the urge to check his friend’s eyes for a yellow gleam, Souji shook his head and took off his shoes. “It was a first date, Yosuke. Just some simple getting-to-know-you stuff over dinner. I probably won’t go out with her again.”

“Gotta keep working your way through the entire female student body, huh?”

The sneer in Yosuke’s voice chipped away at Souji’s patience, formidable though it was, and he sighed. “What’s the problem here, Yosuke? You knew I had plans tonight. You said you had a math test to study for anyways, and that me being out of the room would help you focus. Since when does getting drunk help with studying?”

“The _problem_ is you dating all these chicks and not leaving any for the rest of us. What girl is going to look at me twice once they’ve had the great and magnificent Souji Seta inside them, huh? I’m sure your dick is just as perfect and magical as the rest of you. And then you dump them and I’m a scumbag by association, on top of being that scrawny annoying guy who follows you around all the time, hoping for scraps of attention.” Yosuke’s shoulders rounded, pulling in as he hunched in on himself, and it was easy to see exactly where his disgust was actually aimed. Everything was framed as jealousy about all the female attention Souji received, but if you looked between the lines…

“Yosuke, I’ve told you before, I’m not sleeping with these girls. Haven’t slept with anyone since Rise, actually.”

“Because that makes things so much better? ‘Oh, don’t worry Yosuke, I only fucked the hottest girl either of us has ever met, the one who’s a teen idol. The one who literally started throwing herself at me the day we met.’ No big deal, right?” Yosuke glared at the beer bottle that was still dangling from his hand, looked like he was contemplating throwing it, and then drained it and dropped it on the floor.

Souji walked the short distance from the door to Yosuke’s bed, navigating the alcohol container minefield, and rested his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “Yosuke. You’re drunk. Go to bed, and we can talk about this in the morning.”

One moment and Souji was staring into glassy, reddened eyes in concern; the next, there was a hand on the back of his neck and a tongue in his mouth, and he was being pulled forward quickly enough that he barely had time to catch himself against the bed.

Souji took a half-second to process exactly what had happened -- Yosuke was kissing him, and there was a hardness pressed against Souji’s inner thigh, and it was all he could do not to moan into his best friend’s mouth because holy _fuck_ he’d been thinking about pretty much this exact scenario for _years_ \-- but he still retained enough of his wits to pull back and break the kiss.

Whatever else was true, Yosuke was drunk, and Souji was not going to take advantage of him. No matter that he would have bet everything in his life that Yosuke wanted this, wanted him -- Souji didn’t want some awkward drunken hookup, he wanted Yosuke to acknowledge, with full possession of his faculties, that this was something he wanted to do. Then, and only then, would Souji fuck him into the sheets.

He stared down at Yosuke, red-faced and panting beneath him, and felt his resolve waver, just a little. It had been a long dry spell, after all.

Not that any of it was made easier when the hand that wasn’t holding Souji by the neck suddenly grabbed between his legs, the heel of Yosuke’s hand rubbing against his growing erection. “What’s the matter, partner? Am I not up to your _standards_?”

Souji closed his eyes and felt his breath leave him in a hiss. This felt way too damn much like those dark, horrible dreams where Yosuke had been replaced by his own shadow. They were rare, interspersed with ones about luchadors and being the father of a bunch of tiny versions of his friends, but they always left him feeling off-balance and horrified, like the world had twisted in on itself. Even the ones where he was the meat in a Yosuke-Shadow Yosuke sandwich, which always made him wake up sick and ashamed by his own arousal.

“Yosuke. Just go to sleep. Please.” Gritting his teeth, Souji pried Yosuke’s hand off the back of his neck and stepped away. The rejection hit the other man like a slap in the face, and all the black fury he’d been radiating suddenly turned inwards. Souji reached out a hand, wanting to do something, anything, to take the sting out of his words, but Yosuke turned over and pulled the blanket up around his shoulders, freezing him out.

So be it, then. Hopefully they could talk about this in the morning. Souji stripped down to his underwear, turned off the lights, and crawled into his own bed, listening to the sound of Yosuke breathing in the dark across the room.

Furtive rustling started up, and Souji bit his lip at the sound of a hand moving over flesh, and the soft, panting moans that Yosuke was apparently too drunk to think about stifling. His hand twitched lower, towards his groin, where he was still incredibly hard and aching with it. It felt wrong to get himself off to the sounds of Yosuke touching himself, like a violation, when he knew that sober Yosuke would definitely not appreciate it, but then the sounds picked up their pace and the moans turned into Souji’s name, and that was it, that was his breaking point.

One hand fisted itself around his cock while the other flailed around for a tissue, and he came with the image of Yosuke, pinned to the bed beneath him, still painted across the inside of his eyelids.

\---

Yosuke was gone when Souji woke up the next morning.

Not that that was entirely unexpected, really, he did have an early class, but Souji thought his hangover might be enough to keep him in bed.

As he left for his own classes, Souji couldn’t help but notice that the other bed was stripped clean of its linens.

By late afternoon, it became clear that Yosuke was avoiding him. He’d caught sight of the other man on campus a few times, but he’d always disappeared before Souji could get to him, and their normal lunch spot was suspiciously vacant. Chance had him spot Yosuke headed back to the dorm with a laundry bag in between chemistry and sociology, and so Souji blew off the later class to follow him back. Yosuke was headed back out, even though he was done with class for the day, when Souji walked into the room, closing the door behind him and leaning up against it.

“Souji! Uh, hey man, I was just headed out to run some errands--”

“Yosuke, we need to talk.”

“Don’t you have class right now? You’re going to be late, and like I said, I’ve got shit to do, so…” He shifted his weight from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable, but Souji didn’t move. They’d been doing this weird dancing-around-each-other shit for years now, and Souji was finally tired of it. It was time to get some things out in the open, and that obviously wasn’t going to happen if he just left it up to Yosuke.

“What do you remember about last night?”

“Oh, shit. I was pretty far gone, huh? Sorry about that. Totally blacked out, don’t even remember you coming home.” The nervous laughter and fact that Yosuke refused to look him in the eye told Souji that he was clearly lying.

“Why don’t I tell you what I remember, then?”

The idea of being confronted with his own actions caused a spark of absolute panic to spring to life in Yosuke’s eyes, and Souji immediately felt bad for taking this tactic. He didn’t want to force Yosuke into anything he didn’t want to do, but the man was so damn deep in denial that it was going to take some serious heavy lifting to dig him out.

“Come on, partner, can’t we just, I dunno, forget anything happened? I mean, whatever it was, I don’t remember already, but it was probably embarrassing, so--”

Souji sighed and shook his head. “All I wanted to say was this: I didn’t turn down what you offered last night because I didn’t want it. I turned you down because you were drunk, and it would have been wrong to take advantage of you like that.”

Yosuke turned about seven different shades of red, clashing horribly with his hair, and then started laughing, a hysterical edge to his tone. “Wow, that was _really_ gay. You’ve been hanging out with Kanji too much, man.”

The mention of Kanji, who had absolutely nothing to do with this situation and didn’t deserve to be constantly picked at about his sexuality -- which was likely more heterosexual-leaning than any of the other guys in their group, truth be told -- snapped right through Souji’s patience.

“Yosuke, have I _ever_ so much as breathed a word about your shadow to anyone, even you?”

The tightly-leashed anger in his tone stilled Yosuke’s nervous shifting and finally brought his eyes to Souji’s.

“No. You haven’t.”

“Then why the hell do you think it’s okay to keep picking at Kanji for his? He’s not even here to defend himself. He didn’t have the same luxury that you did -- his most secret thoughts and fears were broadcast on the Midnight Channel for everyone to see, and you won’t let that heal.”

Yosuke sort of deflated, looking to the side in shame. “I didn’t mean it like that, man. I just thought I’d give him a hard time, is all. I mean, a huge, manly guy like that, liking other dudes? It’s just kind of funny.”

“It _wasn’t_ funny. It’s hurtful, especially when it comes from your friends. Believe me, I know from experience.” This was it, the moment where Yosuke’s reaction could determine the entire course of their friendship. He’d kept quiet long enough, letting Kanji fight his own battles, afraid of what it might mean if Yosuke found out, but it was time.

A beat of silence passed as Yosuke took in what that meant, and then his eyes widened. “Wait, _what_? But you and Rise, and all those girls--”

Souji shrugged. “I never said I didn’t like girls too. Just… also guys.”

“So, what, you’re bi?”

“Pretty much.”

Yosuke’s brow furrowed. “I didn’t think guys could even be bi. Like, girls, okay, there’s always a couple of girls at every party who will make out for attention, but I though guys were pretty much just gay or straight.”

The impulse to strangle his best friend for trotting out some of the most tired stereotypes in the book flashed into Souji’s mind, but he shoved it down. No wonder Yosuke’d been struggling if he thought he had to pick a side.

“Nope, totally normal. There’s plenty of bisexual guys in the world, and girls, too. The ones making out for attention? Probably not actually bi. Most bi girls who make out are doing it because _they_ want to, not because some guy is getting all droolly about it. And most of them get kind of mad when you imply they’re just doing it for attention, so you might want to be careful with that.” Like Chie needed any extra reasons to kick the shit out of Yosuke, she was just fine at coming up with her own.

“Uh, noted. So. You like girls, and guys. Equally? How does that even work? That seems like you’d just be constantly horny all the time, you know?” Yosuke raked a hand through his hair, looking entirely off-balance by the conversation but intrigued despite himself.

Souji shrugged. “It works about like for anyone else, I guess. It’s not like I want to fuck everything that moves. I’m attracted to certain types of people, and their gender just doesn’t really factor into it, for me. For me it’s pretty much equal, but some people are different. There’s tons of people who are mostly straight, or mostly gay, but swing the other way on occasion. Even people who wouldn’t call themselves bi, but end up developing feelings for someone outside of what they’re normally attracted to.” He was very proud of himself for acting nonchalant about that last part, and not staring Yosuke dead in the eyes and maybe shaking him a little bit to get the point across.

Yosuke seemed to be mulling that over, but his next question caught Souji off-guard. “You said you’re attracted to… certain types of people? What types?” A pink flush had crept up Yosuke’s neck and Souji stared at it, mesmerized for a moment, as he tried to overcome his own embarrassment at the conversation suddenly shifting to particulars. Especially when the answer that sprang most readily to mind was _you, you moron_.

“Oh, um. Extroverts, mostly. Outgoing, adventurous people who never shut up. I like to listen, and it helps with all the noise up here.” Souji gestured at his head, indicating the dozen or so personas that were oddly silent for the moment. Thank goodness, too, because it was exhausting enough, carrying this conversation.

“Makes sense. That explains Rise, I guess.” Awkwardness hung in the air between them, Yosuke back to shuffling his feet and not looking up, and Souji still leaning against the door, trapping them both inside.

With a sigh, he hauled himself upright and walked past Yosuke, headed for the chair at his desk. He’d said what he wanted to say, there was no point in holding Yosuke here if he wanted to leave now.

It was honestly a surprise when Yosuke didn’t bolt, and instead dropped down onto his bare mattress. “Hey, partner?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry about all the shit I said to Kanji. I’ll tell him that, next time I see him, but I’m sorry if I hurt you with it, too.”

The genuine remorse in Yosuke’s voice hit Souji with more force than he expected, and he looked down at his desk for something to fiddle with. “Don’t worry about it. As far as I’m concerned, we’re good.”

“I know I’ve been kind of a dick lately. Jealous, and whiny, and all that. Sorry. And, um. About last night. Thanks for, uh-- for looking out for me, I guess.”

Souji glanced back up and caught Yosuke’s gaze with his own. “Anytime, man.”

Yosuke reached up to rub the back of his neck, looking damn near sick with nerves. “I guess… you can kinda tell that I have some shit to I need to figure out, huh?”

Thank god he was finally willing to face _that_ , at least. “S’alright. I’ll be here, if you want to talk, you know.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” A weird silence hung in the air between them, then Yosuke grinned. “So you really haven’t gotten laid since Rise? That was, what, two years ago? Damn, man, you’re working on a longer dry spell than I am.”

“Thanks _so_ much for the reminder. Ass.”

A pillow soared through the air and smacked Souji in the side of the head. “What the hell?”

“You shouldn’t call your best friend names, you colossal dick.”

Souji threw the pillow back. Yosuke caught it, of course, he had good reflexes and was expecting it -- but he wasn’t expecting Souji to get up, grab his own pillow, and use it to whack him in the face a few times.

“Gah! Are we seriously doing this? Don’t you think we’re a little old for pillow fights?”

“You started it, partner. Blame yourself.” Souji shoved his pillow into Yosuke’s face, holding down and exploiting his own relative size and strength, until one of the smaller man’s hands came up and smacked against his temple, stunning him for a moment.

Yosuke seized the initiative and disarmed his opponent, going for an ambidextrous approach with both pillows that had Souji laughing and falling back under the onslaught. “Okay, okay, I give up!”

A smirk appeared, hanging over Souji’s face. “Say that I’m the best.”

“Fine, you’re the best. Happy?”

Yosuke settled back on his haunches. “Yup.”

“I’m glad.” The words, too heavy and sincere for the light-hearted mood, slipped out before Souji could stop them.

Yosuke’s hands curled into fists on his thighs, and Souji tucked his arms under his head, staring up at the ceiling. The damage had already been done, and backtracking would just make everything worse. So he kept his mouth shut.

The moment passed, however, and Yosuke shifted into a cross-legged position next to Souji’s head and drummed his fingers against his kneecaps. “So. D’you mind if I ask you some stuff?”

“Shoot.”

“How’d you know?”

Souji lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I’m not really sure. I think I sort of always knew. I kissed a boy on the playground once, when I was five. It just always seemed really natural, to me.” He hesitated, gauging Yosuke’s reaction: no disgust, just curiosity, and maybe a hint of frustration that their experiences didn’t match up at all. “The first guy I ever dated, though, back in middle school -- he had trouble with it. He was angry a lot, and we ended up breaking up because he wasn’t really ready for it. I heard from him a few months ago, though. He’s doing alright now.”

“Did you guys ever…” Yosuke trailed off, making a few vague but incredibly inappropriate hand gestures.

“Not with him.”

“But you have, then. Done it, I mean.”

It was so weird, Yosuke knew basically every facet of his sexual history with women (except, despite his prying, that which involved Rise, because Souji generally didn’t mind sharing details but he also didn’t have a freaking _death wish_ ) but this? This felt awkward.

“Mm. A few times.”

“Uh. Pitching or catching?”

Why was that _always_ the first question anyone ever asked? And always with that ridiculous baseball metaphor. “Both, actually.” He preferred topping, but playing into Yosuke’s preconceived notions of masculinity wasn’t really something he wanted to do at the moment, so he kept that bit of information to himself.

Judging by previous conversations, Souji fully expected Yosuke to launch into an interrogation about the specifics of various sex acts, but he didn’t, just sitting quietly, thinking.

“So… loudmouths are your type, then? What about physically? I know what it is with girls, but what about guys?”

This was dangerous territory. Yosuke coming to terms with the fact that his best friend was attracted to guys was one thing, but it was a whole other thing entirely for him to realize that Souji was attracted to him, in particular.

He didn’t want to lie, though, so he shrugged and soldiered on, trying not to feel weird about this whole thing. “A lot of the same stuff I like in girls, really. Lean muscle, sort of athletic. Smaller than me, but not necessarily like, tiny or delicate. Slender, I guess. It’s more about attitude, though, really.”

Yosuke grinned, a light, teasing note in his voice almost covering up the nervousness. “You got the hots for me, partner? I mean, I know I’m irresistible, but still.”

And here it was, the point at which he could either lay it all out on the table and hope for the best, or laugh it off and continue on. _Think carefully about how you respond..._

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I told you earlier, I didn’t stop you last night because I didn’t want what you were offering.”

A pair of lips, soft and dry and slightly chapped, pressed very briefly against his own. Souji held himself very still, barely daring to breathe.

Yosuke leaned back, a contemplative look in his eye, until he seemed to realize exactly what he’d done. “Shit. Sorry, man, I should have asked, I’m sorry--”

“Don’t be. You’re fine.” Souji willed himself to calmness, to appear relaxed and easy, when he was feeling anything but. _This_ was what he had always wanted their first kiss to be like. Quiet and peaceful, with the late afternoon sunlight making everything warm and golden. It was a nice moment. No matter what happened, this was one that Souji was going to keep close to his heart.

Yosuke held his gaze, looking more vulnerable than Souji had seen him since high school. “So, what happens now?”

“Anything we want. We have time.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing from Souji's POV (and my first p4 fic entirely, I think), so hopefully I got the voices alright. DO let me know if there's something off about my characterization.
> 
> I always wanted Souji to have the option to call Yosuke out on his shitty treatment of Kanji, so I couldn't really help myself from including it here.
> 
> (for anyone curious, the title is taken from Someone New by Hozier, aka my favorite Wild Card song.)


End file.
